above:  my Booky-Wook

I wrote my first book in the mid 1980’s, when I was about ten years old.

To my surprise, I still have it.  I came across the typed manuscript the other day as I was tearing the house apart in a cleaning frenzy.

As a kid, it took me MONTHS to type this thing…I do remember that much.  I hadn’t yet taken a typing class, and I was reduced to using only two of my fingers (the pointer finger of each hand) and the tried and true – if painfully slow – “hunt and peck” method. 

above:  a closer view of the cover page and my mind-blowing typing skills

Today I sat and read “The Magic Mirror” for the first time in decades.  I think I can safely say that this book is the most BIZZARO work ever written.  Jesus, I was a strange kid.  It’s like I came from outer-fucking-space or something.  The story is completely bonkers, yet at the same time, it’s so unique and outside the box that I’m almost proud that I was such a nut-job kid. 

But reading through the story, I noticed THIS –

I had given the three main characters of my book the following names:  Gregory, Clint, and Lana.

As a young child, I had chosen the names randomly.   I didn’t know anyone named Clint.  There was a Gregory at the school I attended, but I wasn’t close to him, nor was I thinking of him when I chose the name.  And I’d never met a Lana before…not a single one in all my life.  I didn’t even know who the actress Lana Turner was at that point.  It had all been spontaneous – the names just popped into my head, and I typed them.  No meaning or association. 

Fast forward to 2012.  In the 25+ years since I wrote the book (and LONG after I’d forgotten what I’d named the characters), guess who the three most important and/or influential people in my life have been?  They were people with the following names:  Gregory, Clint, and Lana.

Gregory would turn out to be the name of my husband/now ex-husband.  Clint – who won’t be discussed here – had a profound effect on almost every aspect of my life and personality.  Any Lana, of course, ended up being the name of my only child.

**Cue scary music**

Obviously, this is proof that I am not only a writer, but also a prophet.

Stand back in amazement, people.

– Jenn, The Prognosticator

The chocolates I bought for myself this year.  Because DAMN IT, I deserve them.

“Valentine’s Day”  (a short story)

I took my daughter out for a nice dinner,

because she’s my precious Valentine. 

My sweet little Sugarfoot ate a lot of Mexican food. 

She ate and ate until she couldn’t eat any more. 

She was so round and full and happy.

And on the way home she returned the love and kindness

by farting in the car with all the windows rolled-up and locked.

The End.

 Yeah, Lana.  That’s hilarious.  You go ahead and laugh…for now.

I haven’t made a YouTube movie for ages, and there haven’t been nearly enough Polaroids in the Blog de Jenn for some time.  So I decided to play a little “two birds, one stone,” bringing together a couple of my favorite things.  They made sweet love and had a baby.

1 Slideshow.

5 minutes, 22 seconds.

600-type film.

50 Polaroids from my collection.

To watch my new YouTube video, grab a glass of wine and click BELOW:

http://youtu.be/jIjc_SGXbpc

And keep shaking it like a Polaroid picture.

– Jenn

More lines for my face — tiger stripes of courage and experience.

What is this battle-scar bravery good for?

The end is the beginning is the end,

each year a murky sea of sameness.

The self-splitting ache of the outer shell decaying

as the mind ripens and grows more seductive.

The exhausting, overtime analyzation – What should I do?  What does it mean?

I just can’t see what it’s all leading to.

   And this rock we’re on is swirling and dipping

and narrowly avoiding space trash

as I wastefully rummage for reasons why.

One day, Earth will do its celestial spin-top dance without me.

With or without understanding – an end to the questions will come regardless.

So I am left with only this:

I am somewhere, and it’s now.

I tack the new calendar to the wall,

preparing for another mystic ride around the sun — once more, with feeling.

– J. H. 

…………………………………………………………………

Photos — Moments — Life – 2011:

…………………………………………………………………

“…and then, she saw it…”

A morning of Holy Roast coffee and a collection of photo-booth photography.

‘Cause it was a safer idea than the blind roller-skating party.

All the other kids with the pumped-up kicks better run, better run…faster than my camera.

Hot Springs.  Night.  Fountain.  Light.

Seagram’s 7, on the rocks.

I take a dip in the river, late at night.  No one but me and my Cancerian co-conspirator, the moon. 

Worst Sunburn EVER.  But DAMN, it sure was a fun day.

“Two cars at a light on a Saturday night.  In the back seat there was a gun.  Words were passed in a shotgun blast.  Troubled times had come…to my hometown, my hometown.” — Bruce Springsteen

My little wind nymph.

Invisible cigarette in hand, Ali does her impression of a seductive, devil-may-care Berliner.  Ja!

“And you know that you’re my girl…such a classic girl.” — Jane’s Addiction

This heart has run dry.

“But tonight I climb with you.  Tonight, so high with you.”  — The Cure

Sweet ride, but I had to report them for Flamingo cruelty.

My daughter…and the world’s brightest cell phone camera flash.

Lana playing the National Anthem on the sidelines before a football state playoff game.  Hell yeah. 

My reward, after climing the mountain.  A toast to the natural beauty of Arkansas…

“A glass of absinthe is as poetical as anything in the world.  The first stage is like ordinary drinking, the second when you begin to see monstrous and cruel things.  But if you can persevere you will enter in upon the third stage…where you see all the things that you WANT to see.” — Oscar Wilde

“I is cute.  Can I has treats?”  — Muffin

“Bitch, I will CUT YOU.” — Spooky

Row, row, row your boat, gently down the lake.  Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, watch out for the snakes.  (And we ran into PLENTY of them this summer).

Lana and I hitting the trails on horseback.  Giddyup!

My sanctuary.  My therapy.  My nirvana.  My home away from home.  Oh, I can’t wait until Spring…

……………………………………………………………..

“…Maybe someday is the last time.  Yeah maybe someday is the end.  Oh maybe someday is when it all stops.  Or maybe someday always comes…again.”  – The Cure

 http://youtu.be/JezcsaPZxK8

Tonight, I’ll be raising a toast to the ones I love…and that includes many of YOU.  Until I see you in 2012, my friends…

HAPPY NEW YEAR 

Channeling 1930′s stars like Marlene Dietrich and Greta Garbo with my new haircut.  Which I LOVE, thank you very much.

Yesterday, I went with my lovely friend Alison to a salon in Little Rock, and CHOP CHOP CHOP went the hair.  OUR hair.  All our hairssssssss.  Between us, it was like SEVERAL FEET of hair.  And it was BLISS. 

Ali, who went in with an absolutely fearless attitude, came out looking AMAZING. 

Alison (above), playing hide-and-seek while waiting for her new hair color to set. 

Getting finishing touches from her stylist, Anna.  She got a very retro, 1920′s-ish ’do…

You can really tell in this photo (above), from the side.  She’s a total FLAPPER.  Sexy!

I played with her new Nikon camera while she was getting the royal treatment…

  The hair salon, for those interested, is CARACALLA, The Body Spa.  It’s located at 5715 Kavanaugh, in Little Rock.  Look ‘em up.  Like Frosted Flakes, they’re Grrrrrreat!

No matter where (or how) you get your hair done, remember:  stay true to YOU, and always…love thyself. 

– Jenn

 ”I don’t want to be a silly temptress. I cannot see any sense in getting dressed up and doing nothing but tempting men in pictures” — Greta Garbo

http://youtu.be/jyRZNTtkb7s

 Because once in a blue moon, you come across an asshole of such EPIC proportions that it almost can’t be believed.  Thus, my latest poem…

Ode to a Pious Asshole

a free verse poem, by Jenn Howe

A self-imagined cool-cat of a so-called scene,

frivolous with flattery and favors,

but only for the public praise they might return.

You’re covered in pretension and pet hair.

It’s a naïve congregation that paws at your feet,

oh patron saint of the fleabag phonies.

You and your bilious, laughable psycho-babble,

your pseudo-intellectual pose

with well-placed props to match.

Always and forever something to prove,

popularity the sought-after, pointless prize.

In your hollow head, it’s high school forever.

It’s a non-stop dog and pony show in your asinine sphere,

names dropping like flies about your filthy dinner table.

That antediluvian hole in your face, no wiser for its years,  

an inane orifice that never stops – flapping, barking, preaching,

dribbling inept, unbidden advice and criticism.

As if one so unclean could be qualified to teach others to be pristine.

A coward parading in a flimsy cloak of Piety,

all your witless worshippers won.

You’ve succeeded in fooling everyone – minus one.

I see you for the meretricious moron that you are.

The truth, once revealed, will strip and slay you.

Nothing can shield you now.  I am coming for you.

The power and integrity of my words are my mighty hounds.

I have released them, salivating and thundering across the Earth.

The smell of a false prophet being the simplest scent to sniff out,

the hunt will be swift and merciless.

They will attack in a frenzy, ready to break the beams and bones of you,

only to find that your back has no spine inside to snap. 

An uncomplicated abolition, if ever there was one -

a feeble structure with no substance falls easily.

My righteous beasts will howl with the delight of justice served

as you collapse, disgraced and disregarded.

The end of a paltry, pathetic figure whose purity and preeminence

existed only in his delusional, elitist imagination.

–Jenn

“I sound my barbaric yawp over the rooftops of the world.”  — Walt Whitman

   http://youtu.be/aLFQYbjYsso

This is what happens when I ”stop being polite, and start getting real.”  Almost too much SEXY for anyone’s eyes to behold, surely.

So this is pretty much what my entire “vacation” looked like this year.  I sat around the house not caring how I looked, and I watched a stupid amount of movies online, via Netflix. 

And I ate…and ate…and ate.  I ate food that I’d cooked myself.  I ate takeout food.  I ate hot foods, cold foods, and fried foods.  I ate appetizers.  I ate desserts.  I ate all the leftovers.  And at one point, when I couldn’t find the remote control, I suddenly realized…I’d probably eaten it.

But this rambling isn’t about what I look like with my hair in rollers and my face covered in a mixture of avacado, oatmeal, and clay.  It isn’t about how many cups of coffee you need to drink before your right eye starts twitching uncontrallably (though I discovered the number).  Nor is it about how much bigger my ass got during my break, or how many miles I will now have to jog to make said ass shrink again.   

 This blog’s offering is simple enough:  since my time off consisted of watching DOZENS of films, I might as well share just a few of these titles and a brief review of each.  Who knows?…maybe you’ll find one that becomes a favorite.  So here they are…

TEN of the films I watched:

1.  “The Man Who Cried” (2000.  Christina Ricci, Johnny Depp, Cate Blanchett, John Turturro) –  Awww, everyone enjoys a sad romantic story, right?   This movie is a love story on two levels:  there is the anticipated boy/girl romance, but there is also a heart-wrenching tale of the love between a father and a daughter.  Suzie, a Russian Jew played by Ricci, loses her father as a child when he leaves the family in 1927 to make a better life in America.  She never hears from him again, and wishes to go to America one day to find him.  Right before WWII breaks out, Suzie immigrates to England, then Paris, and begins making a life for herself, mostly as a showgirl.  She meets Blanchett’s character, who is the most annoying, social-climbing ho-dog you could imagine (though she does have a moment or two of kindness and redemption).  Turturro’s character is pretty dispicable, too (the guy in charge of the theatre and its talent).  Depp enters as the love interest – a wild, sensual, romantic gypsy (in fact, there may be no role on Earth more ideal for this man…except that of a pirate, of course.  But I prefer the softness of the gypsy heart).   Okay, so I’ve mentioned the words “World War II,” and I’ve mentioned the word “Jew,” so you can probably see where this is going…it ain’t your typical “happy ending”.  Who survives and who doesn’t?  Does Suzie ever lay eyes on her father again?  And great balls of fire, who IS the man who freakin’ cries?  Guess you’ll have to watch to find out.

Overall Grade:  B-   This film was good…but not great.  An unidentifiable little “something” was missing.  Still, it has some touching moments, so it’s worth a try.  A couple of the high points include beautiful sets/decor/locations, and even a SINGING Christina Ricci, who has a sweet little voice, as it turns out.  Some of the music/songs featured in the film are truly beautiful.  Plus, it’s always fun to watch gypsies get drunk as skunks and dance at a gypsy party.  Yeah!

2.  “Painted Angels” (1998.  Brenda Fricker, Kelly McGillis) – Yes, you read that right:  Kelly McGillis.  As in TOP GUN’s ”hot blonde” Kelly McGillis, back in 1986.  We haven’t seen her for a while, have we?  Well, back in 1998, she was in this little-known film, and I dig what happened to her.  Yes, she aged.  Yes, she gained some weight.  Yes, she looks a little rough.  And I LOVE it.  By the time she filmed this, you can tell…she is a REAL woman, a STRONG woman, who has truly come into her own, and she’s no longer content to just be a walking, talking “doll” for the men of the world who would like to keep her that way.  Yay for Kelly.  She and several other bright, talented women shine in this film.  Set in the “Old West” in the 1870′s, the movie provides a long glimpse into the day-to-day life of prostitutes who live and work in the town brothel.  If you’re one of the aforementioned immature men who’s only interested in lots of T&A and sex scenes, move on.  This film is NOT for you.  This movie is for the ladies (and MATURE men) who want to see the mental and emotional results that stem from a lifetime of limited choice and complete desperation, where there was no alternative to becoming a piece of property, used by everyone. 

Overall Grade:  A-  VERY good film, but if you’re looking for action and fast pacing (and fantasy), look elsewhere.  This is a film for the emotionally mature and the psychologically curious.  And some moments are pretty grim.  Not exactly a “feel good” film, if you know what I mean.  But it certainly makes you think – especially if you’re a woman. 

3.  “Doctor Zhivago (2002 Mini Series.  Keira Knightley and Hans Matheson) –  Everybody, I’d like you to meet my new celebrity crush, HANS MATHESON:

And this guy is a lot more than just handsome — he actually has some serious acting chops, and one has to wonder why he isn’t in more movies that you’ve heard of.  Then you watch him in interviews, and you realize he’s a true artiste – he’s being picky with his role choices, as he should be, and he’s not in it to become rich or to be a “star”.  He also has several talents/passions besides just acting.  Then there’s Keira Knightley, who is often given a bad rap and is picked on mercilessly because “she’s thin”.  Well, big deal.  There are naturally big people, and there are naturally thin people.  She just happens to be naturally thin.  If you can get past these two people’s physical appearances – whether you like them or not – you’re going to find that they absolutely ROCK the two main roles of Zhivago and Laura.  Epic love, indeed. 

Most of us know the story (from the classic novel) of “Doctor Zhivago”:  it’s Russia, it’s cold, it’s the Bolshevik Revolution, it’s cold, there’s a lot of sickness and death, it’s cold, and there’s an epic three-way love story going on between Zhivago, his wife, and his mistress…and it’s freakin’ cold.  Russia ALWAYS looks too damned cold.  I had to put on a coat just to watch the film. 

The chemistry between the two main characters is electric.  And Knightley, unbelievably, was only about 16 years old when this was made, proving that she could handle a very difficult and complex role, despite her youth.  This movie offers stunning (cold) locations, and amazing costumes, hair, and makeup.  It’s beautifully written, directed, and acted…all around.  It’s pitch perfect.  This film was so well done, as a matter of fact, that I even thought it was better than the 1960′s version starring Julie Christie – and that’s saying a LOT.  It is also much more faithful to the Pasternak novel.  You can watch it on Netflix in two parts:  part 1 is 112 minutes long, part 2 is 113 minutes.  Trust me – every minute will be worth your time. 

Overall Grade:  A+  Kiddos, put on your ushankas, pour yourselves some vodka, and prepare for great cinema!  Chtob vse byli zdorovy!

4.  “Unhitched” (2005.  Stuart Townsend, Amy Smart, Seth Green) –  I really wanted to like this film, because I adore Stuart, Amy is always lovely to behold, and Seth…well, I’ve actually never liked Seth Green.  AT ALL.  But it was just IMPOSSIBLE to like this movie.  It was supposed to be a romantic comedy, but I wasn’t laughing.  In fact, by the end of the movie, I felt like punching somebody.  If any of YOU would like to have an experience that is somewhat similar to a viewing of this film, follow these steps:

A)  Go to the nearest cat litter box.  Preferably right after the cat of the house has dropped a fresh, warm turd.  B)   Place your face right over the soiled litter.  C)  Throw a blanket over your head and the catbox, trapping yourself inside with the odor.  D)  Inhale deeply.  E)  Stay in place and continue to inhale…for 95 minutes, no stopping.  And don’t you dare cheat.  I didn’t.  I sat and watched this fiasco in its entirety, and I want you to suffer just as much as I did.

 Overall Grade:  F- – - -   I wasted 95 minutes of my life, and I want them back.

5.  “Harlow” (1965.  Carroll Baker, Red Buttons, Angela Lansbury, Raf Vallone)–

  Before Marilyn Monroe, Veronica Lake, Ginger Rogers, Jane Mansfield, Madonna, and all the rest, there was JEAN HARLOW.  This movie is a biopic of her life.  The original “platinum blonde”, Harlow rose to fame in the 1930′s, becoming an international sex symbol and movie icon.  Her image wowed men, and sent women all over America running to the salon to get their hair bleached in an attempt to become – like her – a “blonde bombshell”.  But like many gorgeous women, her life would be fraught with private suffering.  For as any beautiful woman can tell you, “pretty” is not all it’s cracked up to be.  Instead, it’s the ultimate trap.  To have beauty is to be an OBJECT to most people…to be idealized and not taken seriously…to have women be envious and hate you…to have men lust after you, but never truly care about you…to have most people only see the pretty “shell”, but not the true person within.  It is a life of irony – constantly being surrounded by people who are curious and admiring, but only on a surface level, and only until they’ve come to be jealous or resent you (the women) or until they have already used your body - or realized they don’t have a chance at using your body (the men)…unfairly leaving you to remain untouched by real love of any kind for your entire life…and often – if you refuse to play the game anymore – to die alone.  You have my sympathy, Jean.  May you now be resting in peace…

Overall grade:  C-/A-   This one is divided.  The C- is because they actually get a lot of facts about Ms. Harlow’s life WRONG.  A quick check at Wikipedia and official sites will show you as much, and if you’re a fan, like I am, the mistakes will be GLARINGLY obvious.  The A- is because Carroll (two r’s, two l’s) Baker does an amazing job as Harlow – especially with such sparse and false material to work with.  At least you get a glimpse of how heartless a place Hollywood could be, and how it could eat up someone so young, sweet and vulnerable as Jean (she died a terrible death at the tender age of 26).  The movie shows how Jean tried to please everyone - from her annoying “stage mother”, to her greedy, lazy step father, to an obsessed and adoring public, to all the executives, producers and everyone at the top who picked her bones and threw her out once they were done with her.  Just make sure you check the REAL facts once you’ve finished this glamorous bit of fluff…

6.  “Last Night” (2010.  Guillaume Canet, Keira Knightley, Eva Mendes, Sam Worthington) – Over my “vacay” (I have to keep using quotes, because it didn’t feel like a true vacation, though it was nice to rest for a few days), I watched probably 30-plus movies (and read two novels as well…I was busy), and somehow Keira Knightley ended up being in about 5 of them.  I’m not obsessed with her, and I didn’t do that on purpose.  But I was out to choose a very random set of movies with a wide variety of subjects/topics, and apparently, Keira has already played a wide variety of roles, so she keeps popping up.  Fine by me, as her work in this film – as well as most of her others - was quite good.  All four of the main cast were quite convincing in their roles – Keira, as the married woman who has an “okay” union with her man, but senses something slightly amiss; Sam, who has (so-far) been the faithful husband, but is getting just a little too close to his sexy co-worker;  Eva, who plays said sexy co-worker, who nails her “sex-pot seductress” role perfectly;  and Guillaume, who – for Keira’s character – is an ex-boyfriend, the “one who got away”.  Long story short:  in 24 hours, both Joanna (Keira) and Michael (Sam) will be offered tempting opportunities to cheat on their spouse.  Will they?…

Overall Grade:  A   …a SOLID A.  And the most interesting part is that it raises that oft-asked question:  Which type of betrayal is worse…physical, or one that is purely emotional?  IS one worse?  Or are they equally wrong and harmful to others?  And I especially like the way the director ended the film.  Definitely one to see, if you like a realistic, well-done drama about relationships.  P.S…The movie introduced me to my new celebrity crush #2:  Guillaume Canet.  His smile just KILLS, and he’s immensely intelligent and talented (check out some of his interviews).

7.  “Tess of the D’Urbervilles” (1998 Mini Series.  Justine Waddell, Oliver Milburn) – Men, I’d like you to meet YOUR new celebrity crush.  The little-known but UBER-talented JUSTINE WADDELL:

Justine was absolutely STUNNING – not just physically, but emotionally – as the title character in this film adaptation of Thomas Hardy’s novel.  She was a wonder to behold, her face and eyes full of so much emotion and expression as to be almost unbelievable.  I couldn’t look away.  Again, a two part mini-series, much like Zhivago (above).  Both parts together run a total of about 176 minutes.  The time flew, and I had to watch some parts a second time.  Oliver Milburn does a fair turn as Angel (and became my new celebrity crush #3), but you end up hating his character for a while after what he does to poor Tess — he’s a DICK!  You just want to slap him.  Which means he did his job.   

For those who haven’t read the book, I don’t want to spoil everything.  But here are some abbreviated notes:  Victorian England / stupid “rules” of society /  double standards / a “fallen” girl (read:  HUMAN girl) who is punished way too much and for way too long for having had a “human” moment /  and last but not least, the irony that the accused “fallen” girl actually has a heart and personality more pure than any of the people holding her back and putting her down.  Ahhhh, life during the Victorian Era…but we can certainly see similar scenarios played out today, can we not?

Overall Grade:  A  I cried while watching this.  Several times.  Sappy?…Yeah.  But so what?  Get your box of tissues out and enjoy.  Even you dudes.  I won’t tell anyone.  Promise.

8.  “The Nature of Existence” (2010.  Documentary, directed by Roger Nygard) – Oh, how I LOVE documentaries…especially when they deal with such controversial subjects as God, religion, and the reason for existence.  I watched several of these over my break, including “The Case for Christ”, “The Case for Faith”, “The God Who Wasn’t There”, and of course THIS one, “The Nature of Existence”.  Let me be honest – NONE of these documentaries proved, to any degree whatsoever, that there either IS or ISN’T a God…though goodness knows that most of them tried.  Hard.  They failed.  But “The Nature of Existence” was at least UNBIASED.  The director, Nygard, fairly interviewed every type of person, with every type of opinion or belief, from ALL OVER THE WORLD.  He seemed a lot like myself – someone who is truly agnostic…questioning, learning, and searching with an open mind.  The end result may not be any one particular “answer”, but it certainly gives you a lot to mentally chew on.  Filled with tons of information and arguments (both for AND against God/religion), it’s a “thinker” and a “conversation-starter”, to be sure…

Overall Grade:  B-   I give it a slightly lower grade because it’s obvious that Nygard had a low (SUPER-low) budget to work with here, and that given more funds, he could have done a lot more.  The talent is there.  His questions and ideas are sound and well thought out.  The premise is broad and difficult for ANYONE to tackle and wrap into a neat little package, but he gave it a solid effort, and made a little go a long way.  Oh, and one more slight drawback:  Nygard, who also narrates the film, has a VERY nasal voice.  Not very easy on the ears.  But he can’t help that either, God bless him (or not?)…

9.  “The Music Lovers” (1970.  Richard Chamberlain, Glenda Jackson) – A film based on the life and work of the famous classical composer Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky.  Tchaikovsky being one of my favorites of all time (I just ADORE The Russian composers!), I couldn’t wait to sit down to this movie.  But alas, you never know what you’re going to get when A) the film is based on a REAL person, not a fictional character, and B) it was made in the 1970′s.  Seventies cinema can be…ummm…how should we say?  A little dicey.  At best.

On the negative side, I was expecting at least SOME bending of the truth, as happens with almost every biographic film about a famous person, and I was not disappointed (which is to say, I WAS disappointed).  On the positive side, I was hoping for, at the very least, some lush (cold) landscapes and bad-ass period clothing.  Check.  Found them.  And I was expecting some great music, passed down by the master Tchaikovsky himself.  Double check.  The soundtrack was phenomal, of course.  But some of the scenes were…distracting and confusing and just plain WACKY.  Suddenly there would be a sequence where Tchaikovsky and several other characters would be dressed in fancy attire, dancing in the middle of a forest for no reason whatsoever, and then you’d cut back to a live concert.  Whafuck???  Then there’s that absolutely crackhead cuckoo wife of his.  As fans of Tchaikovsky know, he was a gay man, but he married a woman (as society expected him to do), and she was a real piece of work.  In the film, Glenda Jackson goes above and BEYOND in this role, and I’m not sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing.  Watching her roll around on the floor of a moving train, naked and snarling, for an extended period of time, I started to feel like I was going nuts.  I feared for my sanity.  I mean, the woman goes BATSHIT crazy. 

Overall Grade:  C  The film doesn’t completely suck, but the grade is lowered for the scenes that travel WAY into melodramatic/cheeseball territory.  Like I said, we’re dealing with 1970′s cinema here.

10.  “Melancholia” (2011.  Kirsten Dunst, Charlotte Gainsbourg, Kiefer Sutherland, Alexander Skarsgard) —

And I’ve saved the best for last.  Ladies and gentlemen, “Melancholia” is MAJOR.  It is SRS.  BSNS.   Director Lars Von Trier might be controversial, but he has created a modern masterpiece with this work. 

Often tagged as ”a beautiful film about the end of the world”, it’s exactly that, but also much, much more.  Kirsten Dunst plays Justine, a woman plagued with depression.  Her illness causes her to act eratically, hurt those around her, and ruin her own wedding.  Charlotte Gainsbourg plays her sister, Claire.  Claire has always been the stronger, more responsible sister, tending to Justine when she’s sick and trying to be the glue that holds the family together.  But an interesting thing happens over the course of the movie:  as it is understood that a rogue planet “Melancholia” is headed for Earth and all life will soon be destroyed, Claire starts to become the weaker, more terrified sister, and Justine becomes strong and calm.  In the end, it will be Justine who helps Claire (and Claire’s young son) to accept and face “the end”. 

Von Trier often deals with extremely “dark” material, so it seems natural for him to tackle both depression AND the destruction of Earth in just one film.  Since he, himself, has suffered from depression, he was able to reveal several important points about the disease — one of the more interesting facts being that of all people, it is often the most depressed who are able to remain calm in a true crisis situation.  Realizing this, he began to write and develop “Melancholia”.

Heavy subject matter?  Yes, indeed.  But that’s where the greatest inspiration can often come from – the darkness. 

I used to have to deal with this truly AWFUL person who lives in Hot Springs, and if I ever wrote anything on Facebook or my blog that was even half-way “dark”, he’d start in with crap like,  ”You’re such a negative person, blah, blah, blah, nonsense, nonsense, etc.”  How ridiculous, ignorant, and judgmental (and I’m SO glad he’s not in my life and I don’t have to deal with his CONSTANT criticism anymore).  Like the great Morrissey said himself:  “I’m actually a very happy, POSITIVE person.  But I’m realistic, as well.  Bad things happen.  Sometimes I write about them, too.” 

Life is full of good AND bad.  A well-rounded artist (or any healthy, sane person, for that matter) recognizes and expresses BOTH.  Great ART recognizes and expresses both.  This movie, without question, is great art.

This film is getting a lot of comparisons with another recently released film called “The Tree of Life”, and I love both – they are fantastic.  But in my book, Von Trier gets extra props because “sweet and beautiful” is easy, but total hopelessness and annihilation is meatier and takes much bigger balls…and Von Trier isn’t afraid to “go there”.  He’s holding the evil and obliteration of the world right in your face.  He’s making you see it ALL.  He shows you the darkness, the pointlessness of everything, and the absolute END…yet he does so in the most visually stunning and artistic way possible.  I like to call Melancholia “‘The Tree of Life’ for the Stronger and Less Naive Person”.   Are YOU ready to go there?

Overall Grade:  A ++++++++  Von Trier KILLED it with this one.  And if Kirsten Dunst doesn’t get a nomination for Best Actress at the Academy Awards this year, I’m gonna start a riot up in this bitch.

Note:  I watched “Melancholia” BEFORE it was released in theatres, on Amazon.com (you can watch it as a streaming/online rental.  It is NOT available yet on Netflix).  The movie is only showing in theatres in a HANDFUL of cities, and Arkansas won’t even have a theatrical release until December 9th, and only in ONE theatre (Market Street Cinema).  For a full list of theatre release dates, you can go here:  http://askarsgard.com/?p=21514, but I imagine for many, Amazon.com is still your best bet.

Okay, I’m exhausted from so much entertainment in such a short amount of time.  Too much information, both in and out.  I need to rest for a while so I can start jogging again.  I have to save my ass.  Until later…

 http://youtu.be/0tbVPpeUUW8

So…my favorite Holiday has passed (BOO), and my vacation time is over for the year (HISS).  But it was ACE.

                The Pit and the Pendulum.  Oooh, that pendulum hurts so good.  Crikey!

 And the good times really got a-rollin’ when my sister Steph came to Hot Springs.  She and I ate a fine dinner, drank a bottle of red, then set off for one of the local HAUNTED TOURS.  The Hot Springs ghost tours each run one hour in length, and take you to several legendary, mysterious – and some say, haunted - locations along Central Avenue in the downtown area.  (For those interested, you can buy discounted tickets and receive more info HERE:  http://www.hotspringshauntedtours.com/HOME.html)

Several months ago, I went with my daughter for the 8:00 p.m. tour, which heads SOUTH on Central Ave.  On that particular trip, we had a really enthusiastic and patient tour guide named Steve, and everyone in the group had a blast.  He was AWESOME. 

This go-round, my sister and I met with two of my friends – Tanya and Shannen – for the 10:00 p.m. tour, which covers the NORTH part of Central.  We had a great time, but I must say…I really, REALLY missed Steve.  Because this time, we got a very hurried and bored teenager for a guide.  He didn’t even pretend to want to be there.  And we didn’t get the full HOUR we’d paid for.  I guess he was in a hurry to get home and try to get laid or something.  But still…cool locations, neato history, spooky stories, good times…

Oh, and did I mention that our teen guide was a Gangsta? 

WORD.  Straight up.

‘Cause he’s stylin’ like a GANGSTER and he’s pimpin’ like a BOSS.  Hence the name I christened him with:  Gangsta Baws. 

That suit!  That hat!  That little head-attached microphone!  He is one DAPPER MOTHA CHUCKA.  POW!  Shut yo mouth!

 And Big Daddy Baws took us to many a chilling and historic place.  Such as…

 …The Arlington Hotel  (above).  This was a frequent stop for another Gangster — none other than Al Capone.  When Capone came to Hot Springs to visit and “do business” (a.k.a. have people killed and stuff), he would often rent the entire 4th floor for himself and his rowdy friends.  Drinking, smoking, sexxxing, gambling, and MURDERING would ensue.  Legend has it that many of the men and women killed back in the day still haunt the rooms and roam the halls.  And having stayed there myself, I will say…the place is super eerie.  Especially late at night, when it’s quiet.  Well…when it’s SUPPOSED to be quiet.

Then there’s this famous Hot Springs building (above), which you may have seen on the television numerous times.  It’s The Medical Arts Tower.  But you might recognize it from the show ”Smallville” — or from the older “Superman” t.v. series (it was used in both) — as the exterior of THE DAILY PLANET, the newspaper building where Clark Kent and Lois Lane both worked.  Yes, really.  You can check it out on the web at various sites, including this one:  http://www.eeggs.com/items/47165.html.  But even MORE interesting is what really took place INSIDE the building when it was used for secret medical treatment and “testing”…but some who survived would call it “torture”.  Countless people died during their stay here.  Crazy stuff reportedly happens all the time in this now-abandoned building.  Just looking up at it from the parking lot gave me the chills.  Jeepers Creepers. 

 And boy, I sure liked this location (above) – the notorious hotel with one helluva bad-ass name…

…that would be The Howe Hotel, another hotbed of Gangster and Mobster activity back in Hot Springs’ heyday.  Tons of terrifying history, and endless stories of torture and murder.  What I wouldn’t give to get into this building for one night.  I’m GOING to get in there.  Look at all the freakin’ “orbs” in the FIRST photo of The Howe.  And I don’t usually fall for that “orb” crap.  But I’m gonna tell you…it was not rainy, foggy, misty, or “dusty”, and the ONLY places where I shot orbs were the creepy locations that had seen lots of death….and I shot photos of every place and every thing.  ONLY the allegedly haunted places had these orbs show up, en masse.  Weird.

 Ummmm, okay…so this is my little sister (blonde, in the middle), but you can’t see anything except her back, and her hair whipping in the wind.  ”Why?”,  you ask.   Because she is in full gallop, like a prize-winning horse at the Kentucky Derby.  She and the entire crowd are SPRINTING to keep up with our guide, who seems hell-bent on setting an Olympic-level speed record.  We are all at the mercy of Gansta Baws, God help us, and he can’t be bothered.  Damn it, he doesn’t have all night!  Let’s roll OUT, people!

Another haunted hotel, The Plaza (above).  I can’t remember the story about this one, but I’d sure love to live there.  It would be the coolest.  apartment.  EVER.

Our crowd parted to make way for these two Zombies to pass through.  That woman was VERY committed to her Zombie walk/limp/drag.  Took her sweet time.  Which pissed off BAWS to no end, I’m sure.  Heh heh.  Heh.

After the tour, my sis, friends and I went down to another reportedly haunted building, The Poet’s Loft.  We toured the place, then we were allowed to stay inside for a while (with the lights down) after they closed to the public.  Tres cool.  We all got Tarot Card readings after closing time, as well.  Then we hung out some more in the back courtyard area, where there’s this crazy statue. I couldn’t stop taking pictures of this…thing:

Thing.

Me and Thing.

Many of the photos from this night have yet to be revealed, as my sister used a DISPOSABLE camera.  I freakin’ love that.  Like she said, there’s still an “element of surprise.  You don’t know what you might have captured until the film finally comes back developed.”  True dat. 

Next blog:  my vacation, part two…a.k.a. “the week that I sat on my ass, single-handedly ate more food than an entire army, and watched crapteen hundred movies on Netflix, because I’m too poor to go anywhere.”  So I just sat at home and chilled.

Like a BAWS.

http://youtu.be/rL9ihXiFAko

– jenn

Since today is my favorite day of the year, I thought I’d share a simple Halloween costume idea with the girls…especially those of you who adore retro fashion.  <3

This look was inspired by the beautiful mod-era girls of the 1960′s, but most of all, the divine TWIGGY!  In her early modeling days, she was known for her huge eyes, extreme eye makeup, her waif-ish frame, and her blonde, super-short, boyish haircut.   To copy the look, here’s all you need to do:

1.  If you have super-short hair already, simply part your hair FAR on one side.  Sweep/tuck any hair on the side behind your ears.  If your hair is long, like mine, simply do the deep side part, then pull your hair into a low pony-tail in the back, and tuck your hair up UNDERNEATH the base of the pony-tail and the elastic to give the illusion of having short hair.  Pin any loose hairs into place.

2.  Most of us don’t (naturally) have very blonde hair like Edie Sedgwick and Twiggy, so you can do what I did, and use one of EDIE’s own tricks:  Edie was a natural brunette – most people know that.  What most people DON’T know is that before Edie started using dye on her hair to go platinum blonde, she first SPRAY-PAINTED her hair in the early “Factory” days.  And the color she used?….SILVER.  Using a safe, washable hair spray paint in the color silver will give the illusion of having blonde hair…especially in photographs.  And it’s a FUN, bold color to rock, so wear it with confidence!

3.  After spraying yourself down, THEN get dressed (so you don’t ruin your cute outfit).  Twiggy rocked many looks, but for this one, which mimics her EARLY modeling days, you want to find a dress or shirt (preferably a MINI-dress) which looks school-girlish, and/or has a “Peter Pan”- type collar.  These are the styles she wore most often during this period.

4.  And last, but certainly not least…TWIGGY’S famous make-up look!  It can be summed up with fair, healthy, natural-looking skin (with a few freckles showing through, so feel free to DRAW a few freckles with an eyeliner pencil), a very pale or “nude” lip, and then – as we all know – enough eyeliner to kill a horse.  But the fun is applying the eyeliner in Twiggy’s signature way:  lots of dark liner (and false eyelashes!) on the TOP lid, followed by a LIGHT colored eyeshadow or highlighter covering the lid (above the liner), then more eyeliner OR a dark eyeshadow in the CREASE between the lid and the brow bone, and more highlighter on the brow bone itself.  Most importantly, take a dark eyeliner, and DRAW the famous lines – called “TWIGS” – beneath your eyes/lower eyelids.  Et Voila!…you have a bit of that TWIGGY magic! 

Now go use those huge, “doe” eyes and that school-girl charm, and flirt with every cute, single male in your neighborhood as you go trick-or-treating tonight!  (You’re never too old to go trick or treating, by the way)….

May you all have a great time, score lots of candy (or phone numbers) and GET YOUR SCARE ON. 

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

Now, I’ll let my beloved Edgar take you on a journey.  Until next time, Jenn  x  http://youtu.be/cLSmhpwLdEQ

“Most people think of themselves as individuals…that there’s no one on the planet like them.  This thought motivates them to get out of bed, eat food, and walk around like nothing’s wrong.  My name is Oliver Tate.” 

…and so begins one of my new favorite films, “Submarine”, which stars Craig Roberts as the loveable Oliver Tate, and Yasmin Paige as the captivating Jordana Bevan.  Now, look:   I know that most movies centering around teenage characters are annoying as piss.  I was turned off by the over-hyped “Juno”, and the ridiculous “Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist” (Seriously?  Most of the music wasn’t even that good…except for The Cure, of course).  “Submarine”, however, brings a subtlety and sweetness not found in many films.  With its quirky-cool comedic aesthetic that doesn’t try too hard, it has stolen my heart.  In fact, when I first saw this movie about a month ago, I watched it three times in just a couple of days.  Oh, “Submarine”… How do I love thee?  Let me count the ways:

1.  It’s directed by RICHARD AYOADE (of “The Mighty Boosh” fame).  Bad-ass.

2.  The soundtrack is completely written/performed by none other than ALEX TURNER (lead singer of the rock band Arctic Monkeys).  Hell yes.

3.  It’s executive-produced by comedian/actor BEN STILLER.  Is EVERY person associated with this film uber-cool?  Yeah!  Obviously!

4.  It’s BRITISH!  Okay, well…it’s actually set in WALES, (or as Oliver Tate describes it: “Wales — a country you pretend to treat as an equal”).  But it’s still a British-made film.  Equally cool.

5.  There is DICTIONARY READING in the film.  Yay for reading the dictionary!  I also read the dictionary from time to time, just for fun.

6.  There is POLAROID CAMERA action.  Enough said.

7. It contains references to the good ole MIX-TAPE, one of my favorite things on Earth.  Remember those?  I STILL make them.  And I don’t mean on CD’s.  I mean on actual TAPES.  And my car still has a tape player.  I roll old-school.

8.  Speaking of old-school, there is also SUPER-8 film footage included.  Yup, I’ve got a Super-8 Camera as well. 

9.  Since Jordana is a pyromaniac, there’s lots of exploding, sparkling, and burning stuff.  Woot!  Awesome!

10.  There’s even a cameo by a pair of Lolita heart-shaped sunglasses (check – got those, too).

11.  Jordana has a complete aversion to/ fear of EMOTIONS.  Roger that.  After being emotionally ASS-KICKED by so many jerks, I’m RIGHT THERE with her.  (One of her rules:  No feelings allowed).

…and the list goes on and on.

Long story short:  someone took most of the things I love and/or can relate to, and threw them all together in one movie.  Lucky me…

Not since the movies “Amalie” and “Marie Antoinette” (Coppola version) have I been so enchanted by a film.  It feels like this is a perfect little movie, made just for me.  But I suspect that it’s made for a lot of YOU as well.  So remember…

The film is called ”Submarine”. GET YOU SOME.

 Here’s one of the lovely tunes Alex Turner wrote for the film:  http://youtu.be/9n_H0Jb1g88

“I tried smoking a pipe, flipping coins, listening exclusively to French crooners…I even had a brief hat phase.  But nothing stuck.”

 I must run for now, because I’m on…VACATION!!  Man, it feels good to have some free time!  I’m currently in the middle of an experiment — I’m trying to see how many Netflix movies I can watch in a week.  And so far, the answer is:  A LOT.  I’m bug-eyed and crazy from staring at the screen, but…yeah.  A lot.  I’ll review the movies in a future blog.  Also, I have to prepare for my favorite holiday, which is just a few days away — HALLOWEEN!  May you all have a safe and fabulous Holiday!  Until next time

–Jenn