Never Thought Tonight Could Ever Be This Close To Me

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The Stages of Grief:

DENIAL

“Is that the way things go?  Forever reaching for the gold?  Forever fades black and comes up cold.” — Deerhunter

There Is No Why

I tell myself that the deceit won’t be made real

until I burn this dead, dried rose,

and the humiliation I endured

was merely a hallucination

unless I throw away the earplugs

that still rest on his bedside table.

Without a ritual of acceptance or finality,

I can pretend it never happened.

But it did.

He loves me, he loves me not.

He loves me, he loves me not.

He loved her first, he loved me second.

He loved her more, he loved me never –

there is no answer within the petals

of this poisonous flower of lies,

just as no reason can be found in tarot cards,

scattered among used tea leaves,

or amid the constellations overhead.

But I spent the entirety of last night

gazing at the sky, anyway.

I wondered, not for the first time,

how it is that the honesty and purity of my love

were not reciprocated,

and into the dark nothing

I howled a single word – why?

Then I felt an unbearable truth arising within me,

and it became as clear as if I’d heard it spoken:

Sometimes, there is no why.

As my head sank with the weight of this fact

and I began to weep,

a magnificent star in a distant galaxy

exploded and began its slow death,

unseen and unsung by anyone.

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3 thoughts on “Never Thought Tonight Could Ever Be This Close To Me

    1. Thank you. I’ve still been toying with it – I wrote it in a flash of emotion, in one go…thus…grammar errors and bad word choices here and there.😐But I’d rather have a pure idea. You can always fine-tune later. And the next stage will be the easiest: ANGER. I only have like fuckteen thousand different ways I could write that one, after what I was just put through. 🤣Hugs to you…❤

  1. and yet another broken heart again ? How many do you have Jenn ? I would miss your ,in blood and tears printed words , but I also want you to be happy …….at least once in a while ! Regardless ; and be assured ; your words keep touching !!

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