But I Love You, Said The Knife To The Wound

The Stages of Grief:

ACCEPTANCE

*Stage 4, DEPRESSION, will debut elsewhere (as did Stage 2, ANGER).

 The first section of this poem was written many months ago, after I dreamt – several nights in a row – that my lover was lying to me and cheating on someone else (never doubt your intuition, kiddos – it turned out to be true).  These dreams took place in the garden of Eden.

Over the last few days, I realized that some of those previously composed lines about Eden should be woven into this new work.

 So now we wrap up the series with a poem inspired by the fifth and final stage of Grief (as modeled by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross), ACCEPTANCE…

“Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness.  It took me years to understand that this, too, was a gift.” — Mary Oliver

Garden Secrets

I

It is a little-known fact

that the first words

Adam ever spoke to Eve were,

That was fun, and you are very lovely,

but when is the next female coming along,

and when will I be able to lay with her?

This was the original sin,

which fertilized the eggs of

heartbreak and self-doubt.

Primordial woman, newly minted,

was already made to feel that despite her

novelty and perfection, she was not enough.

II

After we had flirted by phone for some time,

he hinted that he would like

to know my measurements.

I texted the circumference of each womanly swell and dip,

the all-too-important invisible rings

surrounding my heavenly body.

His response was simply,

Well, you’re no Marilyn Monroe, that’s for sure.

He then went on to say that I was probably cute, though.

We had never spoken of the famous blonde before,

yet here she was, invading both our conversation and my mind.

Here I was, already being compared and not measuring up.

It was the first sign of his superficiality and callousness,

the first offense of many.

But that never stopped me before.

III

In the garden of Eden, Eve died while choking

on a lump in her throat, which wasn’t a wedge of apple,

but the initial stone of rejection.

IV

Even as a child, I subconsciously sought out

the cruelest male in the playground.

My crush was always the mini sadist —

the boy who sat alone in the grass

silently pulling the wings off some delicate insect,

simultaneously admiring and destroying it.

V

No star in the universe is any less resplendent

for having remained unseen

by human or telescopic eyes.

Stunning and miraculous,

both in life and during a cataclysmic firework death,

the majesty of each is absolute and requires no validation.

And I am no less spectacular

for having gone unloved or unappreciated

by another.

VI

Well, you’re no knight in shining armor, that’s for sure.

But I never needed one.

VII

A magnificent star in a distant galaxy

explodes and begins its slow death,

and I step into my greatness.

I am not Eve, I am not Marilyn,

and I don’t wish to be either of them.

I am the goddess of my own garden,

where disrespect shall never be

tended or tolerated again.

Within this space of honor and beauty,

I stand solidly in my truth:

to love myself, as I am,

is my right and my source of strength.

As there was in the beginning, is now,

and ever shall be,

worthiness without end.

(Amen.)


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2 thoughts on “But I Love You, Said The Knife To The Wound

  1. “And I am no less spectacular

    for having gone unloved or unappreciated

    by another.”

    So many lovely threads in this series. The theme of creation, death and rebirth. Beautiful and resonant. xx

    1. Thank you — so much –for your lovely comment…and for taking the time to read and provide support through the years. You inspire more than you know. Sending love…❤

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